Incest: Silence shrouded in guilt and shame

INCESTUOUS ABUSE is one of the heinous crimes that our society has been facing since ages, but, there is nobody to confess it, neither the perpetrator nor the victim. It’s a blindfolded situation, which is continuously searching for defence as well as justice.
It is a shame for our numb society where we live in, but yes, this is the pinching truth, which cannot be eradicated so easily. Only few have the courage to unveil this naked reality.
Incestuous abuse is a forced sexual relation, which an older family member, or anyone so close to the family that he or she gains trust and becomes a part of the family, carries out. Presently, there are all possible cases of incestuous abuse including father, brother, cousin, grandfather, uncle and even recently, servants and tutors. And the victims who get subjected to such crime are between 10 to 16 years of age. Sometimes it becomes a one time experience, but at times it happens more than once, repeatedly.
Anuja Gupta, who is the founder and executive director of RAHI Foundation (Recovering And Healing from Incest), an NGO, says, “There is a silence in the society, nobody wants to talk about it, as it is a shame for the family and sometimes, there is a fear of perpetrator that it must be kept secret.” As a child, one does not have language to talk about it and blame and get their abuser punished. And even if they divulge such facts, they are not heard or are asked to hush up the matter. “A condition of denial exists in our society, which pressurises the victim to remain silent,” she explained.
Usha Rai, who is a development and health journalist, working on gender and health issues, says,” People generally don’t believe the victims and say that the girl must have invited the guy.”
It’s often that the victims don’t go out and ask for justice, though they wish for justice. “Girls in our society feel embarrassed to confess such things, as they are not given freedom to raise their voices against such issues and moreover they are guided by family pressures,” said Ranjana Kumari, who is a prominent women activist in the Centre for Social Research, Delhi. There is a fear that these realities will let down the prestige of their family. “The victims mostly fear acceptance,” says Rai.
In India, women are not allowed to live independently, so practising their freedom and rights are beyond question. “In the middle class families, sex is a taboo, it is not openly talked about, which makes the women of our society victimised to such garbage, which is continuously challenging their individuality,” says Ranjana.
Moreover, we don’t have adequate laws under incest abuse to punish the abusers. There is also a laxity on the part of judiciary that the few cases which are in notice remain pending. It is also that no women want to take her family member to the court in such cases. It just becomes a matter of emotional bonding in the family.
The mental state of the victims in such cases is very complicated. In school level, either their performance can fall or they become an overachiever. “Sometimes these people canalise their frustration in creative things or they turn to various addictions to cope with the pain and numb their feelings,” says Gupta.
Such incidents can also affect their sexual life as well and after marriage they face problems. “The victims of such incidents are reluctant in building intimacy, as their trust has got betrayed somewhere and they loose the stability of relations in their life,” explains Gupta.
Such abuses are rampant all over the world. For a simple reason that our society is unequal and biased, women and children do not have equal powers and rights as the men. We are really waiting for a savoir who can give a relief from this age old crime against women.

Love that is kept inside will surely fade someday

LOVE! THE very essence of the universe lies in this single word. Divine in itself, love beautifies every expression related to it. An inevitable quest lies in every mind to understand its majesty better. But this beautiful feeling is so much complete in itself that its magnificence only renders vibrations, which just communicates with the heart and not the mind. Love is a tender feeling which is harboured in every heart because it is a pure expression, which embellishes every soul. The purest intoxication which imbibes in itself the entire passion of universe is love. It is just a celestial touch, where the manly power ends and the supreme power reigns. Away from the materialistic pleasure, lust and avarice, this emotion is a platonic bridge between the outer human being and the inner soul which elevates a person to a spiritual level.
Love is one of the most incredible creation of God which has transformed man from an animal to a creature full of emotions. Love is present in every bit of life. God has expressed his love by creating us and we need to complete this cycle by rendering love to the people who care for us, who are near us, who need us. This unequal expression is as fresh as blossoming flowers, as deep as an ocean, as free as air, as complete as the sky, as new as the world and as pure as the selfless love of a mother. A painter shows his love with every stroke of brush in his paintings, a writer shows his love through each word in his piece and a singer shows his love in the depth of his voice.
Feel it, just feel it. Let yourself know the warmth of this expression. Don’t make this thrill a slave of your authoritative mind. Free it from all the bonds because if this expression is not expressed then its aura will turn into gloom. With time it will lose its charm, its magic, its sensation and it will just turn stale. Don’t let the worldly powers dominate this sacred tenderness. Just let the spell lay its magic upon you. You should not keep your heart captive in your hands. Because if love is not allowed to breathe, it will surely fade someday. As ’it is like a penny shining in your hand and if you hold too tightly, it’s not at your command’.

Tickling taste buds with Lackhnavi cusine

LUCKNOW, THE City of Nawabs, is known for its courtly manners, beautiful gardens, poetry, music and fine cuisine. The multicultural city was historically known as Awadh. This city still speaks the language of ‘aap-janab’ and the dictum ‘pehele-aap’ is true here. The golden city of the east is proud of its kebabs, which is an important part of Lakhnavi cuisine.
Lazzat-e-Lucknow is often used for the food variety of Shiraz-i-hind. The kakori kebabs, galawat ke kebabs, shami kebabs, boti kebabs, patili kebabs, ghutwa kebabs are among the known varieties of kebabs in Lucknow.
The reason, the meat is used in most Lakhnavi kababs is minced so fine is that Asafuddaulah lost his teeth early and could only manage the most succulent food. It is basically an anecdote, which is given to the tourists who come here for the first time to taste kebabs, which really have got a mouth watering aroma.
The ‘Tunde Ke Kebabs’ restaurant in Aminabad is more than 100 years old. It is owned by Mohammad Usmaan, popularly known as ‘Usmaan Bhai’. He is the third generation of his family, who is adding to the pride, prestige and success of his forefathers.
This shop was started by Haji-Murad Ali (Tundey Kababi) 1877-1967, grandfather of Usmaan Bhai. They have been serving Awadhi cuisine, from 1897, in the Constantinople of India and since then, they are enjoying this job and working hard to give it new heights.
The shop expects to attract more crowds on holidays but on usual days, lunch and dinner time are the peak hours for the sale of the kebabs. The main shop of kebabs of this branch is in Chowk, near “Akhbari Gate”. Usmaan Bhai says: “Uparwaala yahi chahata hai, Allah ne ye nizam bana rakha hai” (The supreme power wants this and he has made it for us).
Satisfaction is still not achieved in the business because food, nature and women are the three things, which man likes to constantly explore. He says, “Buzurgon ne seencha hai ye karobaar aur hume ise aage badhana hai” (elders have started this bussiness and we have to take it to the new heights).
Unani and Ayurvedic spices are the secret ingredients of the kebabs prepared by him, which helps digestion. Besides that, they keep a special check on the quality and hygiene of the material they prepare.
Kebabs and paratha, sold at a reasonable rate of Rs. 20/-, make it affordable for all from different strata of society. Every day around two hundred customers are expected in the shop. Usmaan Bhai hesitatingly discloses that the profit of the shop is around Rs.14,000-15,000 per day. Though the market remains dull during Navratri and Ramzaan, on other days the business is good.
Movie stars like Shahrukh Khan, Aamir Khan and Anil Kapoor are the regular visitors to the shop. Even politicians like Sonia Gandhi visited this particular shop for its famous cuisine.
Usha Tripathi, a tourist from Patna said that she had tasted mutton khorma and rumali roti, when she visited Lucknow for the first time. The stuff was yummy she said.
Usmaan Bhai adds, “Koshish rahe ke aadmi duaen de, pet bhar kar khana khaye. Paisa maksad nahi hai humara. Buzurgon ke naam ko barkarar rakhna hai.” (We try that everyone eats well and blesses us. Money is not the criteria. We have to keep up the fame of our elders).